On The Importance of Blood
by SandraLies
Summary: Edward's desire for blood takes over and he attacks an unsuspecting Bella. Here is the fallout.
1. Hunger

Bloodlust.

The term doesn't quite encompass the force that comes over when a particularly tasty individual walks by, or when one is in the throes of enjoying their prey, or when one is really, _really_ thirsty. Unfortunately it's the best term out there.

Bloodlust sounds tame to Edward as he stalks the young boy he's noticed is homeless and friendless. The boy can't be more than 8; he's skinny and dirty and all of his thoughts are of hunger. He won't last long at this rate. Edward is convinced he is about to do him a kindness.

The vampire snorts at this thought.

The little boy trips and turns down a darkened alley. Could the scene be more perfect?

No, Edward decides, as a light but blinding mist starts to descend on the city. Now it's the perfect scene.

He follows the wandering child, licking his lips.

* * *

><p>He tries to be good at first. Carlisle is a good and patient instructor, but the thirst is endless and painful. In his frustration, Edward hates Carlisle as much as he loves him, and sometimes- when he thinks about her- he hates his mother more for damning him to this fate as much as his creator.<p>

One day he slips and the look on Carlisle's face is too much, the taste too great. So he drifts off on his own, now determined he's fulfilling his dark but true purpose.

The thoughts the vampire hears as he tracks murderers, rapists, and other unsavory characters only enforce that perhaps the universe has created his kind to control the population, keep the bad out. He views himself now as an infection, and the vampires in general as an outbreak.

The years of killing erode this sense of entitlement, so he slips back and forth between the Cullen family and the dark world outside their deliberately cozy home.

He marvels at them sometimes. Going to school, PTA meetings, work, prom, etc. They take note of other monsters around and do their best to protect whatever goodness they can, and that's supposed to give their lives meaning. _They're like a fucking group of superheroes_, he thinks to himself, and he doesn't fit in.

It's not that he lost the good boy he was once. He's still there, horrified by everything the vampire does. But the blood is what he thinks of most of the day and he is not as good an actor as they are. It was indeed his first thought when his eyes opened to his new life- not of his mother, or of his own illness. He hardly recognized Carlisle. He just wanted blood, and that's all he still wants.

Edward sees the way the couples of Carlisle's family look at one another and knows there's more than blood and hate and guilt for them, but he doesn't believe he's ever going to have that. He is too aware, too closed off. He drifted for too long.

* * *

><p>It's one of his dark periods and he's in a filthy city. He's crouched watching a couple have drunken sex in back of a bar. He's seen people have sex before, mostly in their minds, but he's never viewed such a raw presentation of it.<p>

Neither person is in love with the other. In fact, they're hardly aware of the other. They're merely using the person for their own gratification. Edward feels it is their own brand of bloodlust.

He wants to attack them but he decides to let them finish first. It doesn't feel right interrupting. Then he spots a rat and before he can stop himself his fangs are piercing it and hot liquid's bursting through his throat. He groans as he does this because he knows what it means; he's going back to the Cullens. The little annoying human part of him left has made itself known again.

The man and woman scream out their fulfillment, blissfully unaware how close they came to fulfilling someone else's.

* * *

><p>"If you don't go to school, you have to get a job," Carlisle tells him in his new large living room. Edward's distracted by how bright it is in there, and by Carlisle's tone. It amuses him that he sounds every bit as much as the father he pretends to be.<p>

"Do you hear me, Edward?"

Esme watches lovingly from the sofa, so happy to have Edward home.

_Maybe it'll bring some peace to Carlisle_, she thinks.

"Yes, I hear you," Edward says quietly. "I'll go to school."

Rosalie rolls her eyes. She's not overly fond of Edward considering his predilection for running off and murdering people.

Alice, on the other hand, is overjoyed. "We start in a week." Then her face darkens and she studies Edward for a few intense moments.

He sees what's in her head. He's attacking someone, a girl. It's happening in town. Then he sees himself smiling with a joy he's never known. His eyes are not a violent red, but golden and lovely, and he gets the same sense she does that it's some time later. She's confused as he is, but she says nothing of this vision. Her thoughts shut down and he can no longer hear them.

Carlisle doesn't miss this. "Alice?"

Her gold eyes never leave Edward's. "It's going to be fine."

* * *

><p>Edward expects Alice to quietly inform Carlisle later that he's going to kill someone. When she doesn't, he waits for her to follow him around or forbid him to leave the house. She doesn't do that either. He's beyond perplexed and he doesn't know what to do.<p>

It's nice to be home for a change, and for the first time he appreciates how much his presence matters to most of the other's in the house. Jasper's happy to have someone to be silent with, and he's happy that Alice is so excited. Emmett has someone new to pick on, and though he'd never admit it, he thinks to himself how much he likes Edward. Rosalie will tolerate him begrudgingly as she tolerates much of the elements of her life. And of course Esme and Carlisle are overjoyed, though he can't figure why. He knows how he's disappointed Carlisle too many times.

He still panics. How can he be good like them? He has a conscience; he's learned that the painful way. He understands the difference between right and wrong and for the first time in a long time he's making the committed choice to be good and do right. Yet... he's all too aware of the vampire that haunts him inside, desperate to be released, crying for blood. He sees something resembling souls in all of their eyes; he never sees that in his own.

Forgetting Alice's vision, he strolls out and takes one of the family's beautiful cars out. He needs a drive, a walk, something. He goes downtown and parks, eager to test out his newfound goodness. Can he continue walking if the vampire takes over too much power?

He hopes he can for Carlisle's sake.

He's feasted on animals long enough to turn his eyes gold, like they are in the vision, but a quick glance in his rearview mirror lets him know he's not nearly as jubilant as he might be in the future.

Edward decides to walk around downtown for awhile. Maybe something will amuse him.

_Yeah, Mike, you're quite the dynamo_, someone sneers in their thoughts. Edward hardly can differentiate thoughts in crowded places like this, but this thought is unusually loud. For some reason the voice is soothing to him, like he's heard in once in a lullaby. This thought is enough to make him think he's gone mad and turn around to head back to the car.

Then he spots them. He really only pays attention to her, but she's with him so he can't help but notice him a little.

A mousy girl is walking with a tall, beefy guy with blonde hair and a stupid expression on his face. Edward picks up from his thoughts he thinks he's going to fuck this girl tonight, which is hilarious in comparison to her thoughts. In fact, Edward would laugh out loud but he's picked up her mouthwatering scent.

It's glorious. More than glorious. The vampire inside screams out with joy. _This is why we're here_, he whispers gleefully to Edward. _Her blood is why we exist!_

Edward can't really disagree. The gnawing thirst that takes over is blinding and complete. Standing is a nearly impossible feat now; he slinks back against the car and stares at her. The rational part of Edward reminds him he agreed a long time ago to stop killing innocents, and agreed not that long ago to try and live like Carlisle. Carlisle would not be considering killing a teenaged girl on a date. Carlisle would not be planning out the various ways he could attack her and get away with it.

No, Edward recalls, bloodlust doesn't cover a feeling like this.

Everything is burning- his throat, his tongue, his lips. He can already taste her and knows there's not enough blood in her body to sate him.

She must feel his stare because she glances up and locks eyes with him. She doesn't show it but she's impressed by his unwavering gaze and his unbelievably good looks. She fantasizes about what it would be like to be on a date with him rather than Mike. She wonders where he goes to high school. She would like to know why he looks so angry.

"Mike" says something, tearing her attention away from the vampire glaring at her. She asks him to repeat it.

"So want to go back to my house? My parents are out for the night."

The girl feels sick but manages to give him a totally fake smile. A smile that he buys. "Thanks but my dad will wonder where I am."

Mike sighs and unlocks his car doors. "You said you could stay out until 10, Bella."

Her eyes flicker relentlessly towards the creature that's daydreaming about sinking into her flesh and tearing out a couple of fattened arteries. _I'd stay out until 10 if you were like him_, she thinks.

Edward's growing impatient with this scene. He wants her and he has no choice but to take her. The angry, ferocious side of him is only being held back by the sweet promise of her blood, but it can only be held back for so long. Another minute and he is going to run over there and-

"You know what, Mike? I'm not feeling well and I know my dad is hanging around here somewhere. I think he can give me a ride home."

She manages to make herself sound and act ill enough that the pimply teenager agrees to leave her behind. Mike's thinking of calling up another girl to come over. He'll work on this girl another night, he tells himself. Only Edward knows he'll never have the chance.

He speeds off, leaving the defenseless girl behind for Edward's enjoyment. She peeks at him shyly, wondering if he'll approach her. She knows he looks angry- quite furious, actually- but she is hoping his attention is due to attraction. She can't help but be drawn in by the features that make his kind so irresistible to humans.

Slowly, so slowly he can barely _stand_ it, Edward makes his way over to the girl. She is smiling softly now, dreaming of all the things he might say to her.

Looks like the Cullens, she thinks to herself, noting his eyes and abnormally pale complexion as he walks further into the light.

The vampire plays nice, smiling wickedly back. "Hello. I noticed you standing here all alone. Do you need a ride home?"

* * *

><p>Of course she agrees. Edward's not blind nor ignorant to his good looks, but this knowledge doesn't make him cocky. It's merely a fact of his existence.<p>

It's not ten minutes later that they're pulled over on a darkened street and Edward's mouth is clamped painfully on the screaming girl's neck.

The taste... is indescribable. Edward thought he had some pretty delicious meals before, but now he knows those were merely teases of what true pleasure could taste like. There has never been anything so completely satisfying before.

For a moment the persistent burn, the aching and elusive hunger, is fulfilled and suspended. He's euphoric as he grins around her bruised skin, ignoring her feeble hands as they push against his chest.

Then she's ripped away from him and something is holding him back from chasing after his dinner. He's snarling and screaming and crying just as loud as she is. Someone's holding the girl in their arms, whispering to her. The vampire finds this absurd.

_Mine!_ the angry, swollen voice shrieks out somewhere in his mind.

His mouth tears into whatever his pushing him back into his seat. Her scent is all over him, as is her blood. He wants to take a bath in it. He wants to bottle up her blood and sip a little of it every day.

It's a considerably long time afterwards that some conscious thought comes back to him. He's aware someone is screeching annoyingly in the background, and that a hulking figure is practically sitting on him.

"You killed someone," a voice whispers to him.

At first Edward thinks it's his conscience, deciding now to pay a visit. Then he realizes the words are repeated, and they're coming from the stone on top of him. The stone named Emmett.

"She was a girl in a class below me," Emmett says, his saddened eyes lifting to Edward's. "Her father is the police chief."

The words mean nothing. Edward doesn't even really hear them. All that he can think of is that he's killed someone and Carlisle's faith in him is going to crack even more. Probably shatter totally, he amends. And what of his soul, the soul Carlisle is so assured he still has?

He catches a glimpse of his blood-streaked face in the rear-view mirror again, only this time his eyes are bright red.


	2. Thirst

The next few moments are a blur.

Emmett speeds on, sparing an occasional glance at Edward. He doesn't look angry; he just looks sad and worried. Alice and Jasper are in the flying car in front of them, and Edward listens to their panicked thoughts as they try to figure out what to do with the not-quite dead girl in their car.

"If we let her become one of us, we'd have to move. They would be suspicious. It would totally wreck us!" Jasper cries, awkwardly clutching the fragile girl in his arms.

Jasper has pity for the girl, but more concern for Alice. He imagines her exposed for all the world to see, or worse- being tortured by the Volturi.

Alice angrily changes gears. "Jasper, please. Let's not bother talking about it until we've seen Carlisle."

She doesn't saying it forebodingly, Edward realizes. They truly consult Carlisle over everything. He's not surprised, honestly. Carlisle was a natural leader, and a wise one at that.

The others' thoughts aren't fixated on ways to end his sorry existence. They're more on Bella, the girl whose life he's destroyed, and occasionally they think of how close she is to her father, which makes Edward sick.

He isn't close to anyone and now he's sentenced someone else to the same fate.

* * *

><p>It's quiet when the four vampires and gravely ill girl enter the house. Edward immediately knows they're waiting for them in the living room.<p>

Rosalie is sloppily dressed, something Edward's never seen. Sweatpants on the Beauty Queen are certainly a rarity. Normally it would be a sight to behold, but this isn't a normal moment. Unlike the others, she's thinking of ways to torture and hurt him for all of eternity. He's stolen from a girl what she believes was stolen from her: the right to lead a happy, fill life. She wants to rip him to shreds and set a large fire in the wilderness behind the house. Right now he'd welcome that. Anything would be better than the burning in his chest, for once more painful than the burn in his throat.

He looks to Carlisle but the older vampire keeps his eyes focused on the human and his thoughts carefully guarded.

"She has a long three days," Carlisle mutters sadly.

"Actually," Alice pipes up quietly, "she has enough venom in her that it might only be two. In fact I see it taking up to 22 hours."

Carlisle nods but says nothing. Her words are hardly a comfort. 22 hours of unspeakable agony can't be viewed as anything positive. Even Alice, as she speaks the words she means to use as a comfort, regrets the pain the girl will feel.

Esme steps in and tells Alice to bring the girl to the guest room. She then scurries about, collecting hot towels _and_ cool towels, lugging out ridiculously soft sheets from a closet in the hall. She wonders if music will soothe Bella and make her transition easier. He doubts she'll be able to hear it above her own screams, but he says nothing.

He is nothing.

Thankfully Rosalie goes to help Esme and Alice prepare, sending Edward a scathing look before running upstairs. Her thoughts are still on how to dismember him without evoking Carlisle's wrath.

She grabs Emmett's hand and pulls him with her. Jasper mumbles about needing to hunt, that the blood smelled delicious. Then he disappears, leaving father and son.

Finally they are alone, and Edward hardly knows if he feels relief or anxiety. Or both.

The vampire Edward respects the most sighs and sinks into an arm chair, looking strangely every bit his age in spite of his young features. His thoughts are entirely blocked now and Edward regrets teaching him how to do it.

He imagines Carlisle must want him to sit, too, so he takes a tentative seat on the sofa. Carlisle's sad eyes inspect his hands before finally, _finally_, looking up to Edward's. Then he looks like he's been slapped- his eyes widen and his mouth sags- and he looks back down quickly.

_Blood_, is all he thinks.

_Ah_, Edward figures. _The red eyes_.

The temporary but painful reminder of what he's just done.

Edward can't bear the silence any longer. "I'm so sorry, Carlisle."

The words are said so softly, so quietly, he can hardly hear them. But he's confident Carlisle can. They are small and meaningless when compared to what's happened, but he needs to say them regardless.

Carlisle still manages to surprise him.

"Alice had a vision." Edward opens his mouth but Carlisle continues quickly. "_Not _the one you shared with her."

Staring at Edward's knees, Carlisle continues. "She saw specifically who you would attack this time. We tried to race to you immediately but she told us no matter what we would be too late. That this was fate. That Bella was your singer and she was meant to die."

He rubs his face like an exhausted human and stands, making his way over to the window.

"When she mentioned the word _singe_r, Emmett immediately reacted. He's encountered his own. He says it's unlike anything he's ever known. An experience that rivals all others. I... can't imagine it. Fortunately I've never met anyone whose blood was more tempting than the rest."

He makes his way back over to Edward and determinately meets his gaze. Edward hears the struggle it is for him to look at him, to see the red swirl where there should be gold.

He sits next to him and takes one of Edward's clenched hands into his own. Edward's fist doesn't relax, but neither does Carlisle's hold.

"I love you, Edward. I'm not disappointed in you. Throughout these hard years you _have_ hurt me, but I can understand why. I will always understand why there's a corner in all of the minds of our family that wonder if I've made the right decision to play God." He sighs heavily. "I've been assured by my own research into the concept as well as the others' testimonials that there was nothing you could have done. You were lost to her the very _moment_ you were able to smell her. I'm so sorry."

Edward is shaking his head. He won't allow himself to get off this easily. He_ shouldn't_ be allowed to get off this easily.

All of the faces of his victims flash before his eyes, their faces contorted into shock, horror, and then the throes of pain and death. He remembers their faces as they clutched desperately onto life, spending their last few moments with the Devil.

"I could have easily stayed home. I could have fought it harder. I could have _never_ come back here and abstained on my own."

Carlisle sinks a hand down on his shoulder and manages a small, pained smile. "You're where you belong- _with us_. I will never doubt that, so neither should you. As unfortunate as this all is, I wouldn't change having you here and I don't want you to question your choice. I know you're blaming yourself right now and there's nothing I can say or do to convince you that _you_ did nothing wrong. It is just our nature."

Carlisle sighs for what sounds like the millionth time and looks Edward over carefully. "You need time to realize that what you just went through would claim the best of us. We will figure this out."

It sounds like a promise; Edward isn't good with promises.

He stands to leave the room, hands in pockets, and then glances back at his favorite child. "It was fate, Edward. Fate."

Edward can't believe how much he's loved. It hits him completely for the first time. Esme, Alice, Emmett, Jasper, even Rosalie, are echoing the same thoughts in their head. Well, Rosalie isn't saying she loves him or forgives him or that he did nothing wrong, but she is admitting that sometimes she's been tempted to slip. And that she doesn't know what she'd do if she came in contact with her own singer. She's sickened by the thought that there is something out there stronger than her control. It makes her shudder with contempt and fear.

Edward doesn't feel any better; he imagines he never will.

But he believes Carlisle when he says somehow, _someday_, things will.

* * *

><p>22 hours are nothing but an unrecognizable flutter of seconds in a vampire's eyes.<p>

These particular 22 hours, however, are the most acute form of torture for Edward. He can't imagine what they're like for her. He vaguely remembers the pain, the confusion, the loss. They're not fond memories. Most vampires stifle them, forget them in their travels of blood and conquest.

Now Edward revels in them, feeling the need to torture himself somehow.

He stands in the doorway of the guest room, watching the young girl moan and cry out for her mother.

"Renee, Renee," she whimpers softly, almost reluctantly. "Mom."

She is hallucinating, seeing monsters and bugs crawling up the walls. She says she's burning, like she's in a vat of acid, and that her flesh is literally being torn away. Edward remembers that feeling all too well.

She wants to go home, she tells Esme who is wiping her forehead.

Esme tries to soothe her with ice and classical music but it's not helping in the slightest.

What can in the face of hell?

* * *

><p>The 22 hours are now finally almost over. There's only a few minutes left, and now Bella cools down. In fact, she's freezing.<p>

She's shivering and her lips are blue. Her eyes are glassy and unfocused. She looks terrible.

"W-w-where am I?" she asks Esme, her voice small and frightened.

"With friends," Esme promises cryptically, stroking the girl's forehead.

"Who are you?" she rasps, her eyes taking note of Edward's shadowed form before sagging back to Esme's.

"Shh, sweetheart. We're going to take care of you."

Then she is still. Edward wonders, not for the first time, if maybe sometimes the strange magic doesn't work. Maybe she won't wake up and know what he's done to her and hate him for a lifetime. He'd deserve it.

At first he's almost relieved- she won't be reduced to the same insufferable, unavoidable, unbearable fate. Then, in a most selfish way, it would save him from staring a mistake in the face for all of eternity.

A few seconds pass and her eyelids begin to move. Rubies appear to be shining out of her eyes as she slowly scans the room.

So she has awoken. Edward exhales heavily enough to garner a look from Esme. He's unsure whether he's disappointed or satisfied.

Yet he _is_ astonished by how different she looks. She is the same girl, but it is as if Isabella did some expensive make-over. People might give her a second look and then think she just looks amazingly like her, or maybe she's a very distant cousin. That's it. They would never imagine it was the same girl. Edward doubts that even her father would recognize her.

She sits up and smacks her lips together, running her small tongue along the cracked surface. She swallows heavily.

_She's thirsty_, Edward thinks. He expected she'd want to feed as soon as she woke.

He was no different. He remembers his first hunt vividly.

He's growing uncomfortable by her silence, however, and by something else- he can't hear her thoughts anymore. He's perplexed. He tries all different approaches but there's nothing. First he wonders if perhaps she hasn't thought anything yet, but that's stupid because he'd at least see himself and Esme in her thoughts. Maybe, he wonders with alarm, she's brain-dead. Maybe the transformation did something to her.

But no, he decides, taking in the gleam of her eyes. She's definitely thinking something.

She's up and crashing through the bedroom window with the true force of a newborn before Esme or Edward can stop her. Alice, Carlisle, and Jasper are galloping, too, following in the heavily wooded forest. Their feet trample twigs and damp leaves as they race after her. Edward can't hear any humans around, and Alice doesn't see any danger happening, but they'd prefer to keep her in their sights.

And then they see the mutilated animals- squirrels, birds, finally a bear- and a long, thick trail of blood.

She sits in the middle of the carnage, looking around her as if she is in some sort of daze. Her legs are filthy, her hair filled with leaves and twigs, her face smeared with dark blood. She seems revolted but sated.

Esme quietly makes her way over to her and helps her stand, though the girl's strength is clearly something Esme's unprepared to manage. Wordlessly Carlisle makes his way over, hooking the girl's other arm over his shoulders. The two carry her back to the house, saying nothing.

Jasper slowly trails after them but Alice lingers, letting Edward see her thoughts.

_Isabella is going to have a freakout soon. A big one. _

She turns and follows her husband, leaving Edward alone amongst Isabella's massacre.

* * *

><p>She's strangely quiet when they return, but Alice and Edward know it won't last long. They've already seen it.<p>

Esme takes her up to the bath and coaxes her in the shower. Once Isabella emerges clean, Esme slowly dresses her and brings her down to the others, who watch with a mixture of curiosity and pity.

Unsure of how to start things, Carlisle sits there silently, waiting on some cue from the girl. He doesn't have to wait long.

"Who are you?" she asks, not for the first time.

Carlisle and Esme exchange a glance. "We're vampires," Carlisle finally admits.

Isabella doesn't laugh. She believes them, Edward's sure. The proof is out in the forest. "And _what_ am _I_?" she asks in a tiny voice.

She knows the answer, of course, but denial isn't just a human weakness.

Sighing, Carlisle leans his elbows on his knees. "Now you are the same."

Her red eyes scan the room nervously, taking in Emmett's hulking figure. She studies Rosalie's blank expression, Alice's barely subdued glee, and Jasper's calm restraint.

"Like you," she says needlessly. She's merely echoing his words; Edward can see they haven't been absorbed yet.

Carlisle nods.

She takes a breath, clearly thinking hard about something. Edward has felt nothing but guilt since his assault on Isabella, but now he feels a tingling of curiosity. He wants to know what she's thinking.

"The animals... Why am I not going after humans? Do_ you_?"

Carlisle smiles a small, half-smile. "No. We drink from animals instead. We try to be as good as our nature allows us."

Her red eyes flick to me and take me in. I imagine I don't look so great; I've needed to feed desperately.

"I know you," she says slowly, the locks clicking into place in her head. "You're the one who did this to me."

Her voice is flat. Matter of fact.

"Yes," I whisper.

"So you don't always go after animals, after all," she says, the words tumbling out of her like deliberate knives. She turns her attention back to Carlisle. "So I'm like this... forever?"

He nods, looking over at Esme. The beacon of comfort. Only she looks as heartbroken as the girl lost to the world.

"_Forever_," she repeats to herself. The enormity, finality of it all is dawning on her.

"WIll I ever see my family again?" she whispers, sounding as though if she were human she'd cry.

"No, sweetheart," Esme answers time, gingerly rubbing the girl's wrist. "It isn't safe for them. You will stay with us."

"And feed on animals for _eternity_," she spits, her eyes now slitting into anger as they once again sweep my way.

"We won't make you stay with us, Isabella" Carlisle assures her. "But there are things you must know about our world before you venture out on your own. We can't let you do that yet, as a matter of safety. For the humans, for you, for us..."

"We'll take care of you," Alice promises.

She sees a glimpse of them in the future, laughing and dipping in a pond together. They are best friends.

Edward glances at the girl's face now and wonders how far into the future that will be.


End file.
